Then, once in a while

–the times very few–

the door swings open

a crack

and light from within

splashes me

teasingly

quenching my need to know you

as a few drops of water

would wet a parched tongue.

And so I continue to knock

I knock

then knock again

Wanting more than just a splash

–wanting in.

Still

and silent

with all around me

I wait

watching lights

flicker

on and off

on

on and off

–bright lights.

Finally

come bass drums

low, very low

and farthest away–

coming muffled

as old echoes

struggling to reach horizon’s edge.

Tall shadows

whisper

and dance

as the beat of all drums

stronger grows

to crescendo

of movement and light

as the world resounds

with falling

chords

on leaf, metal

and hardened ground.

A nighttime symphony!

–So glad I left the window open. 

Oh, what a TIME!

what a neat way

to turn night into day

sharing friendship

and thoughts

o’er the wires!

Surprised we could talk

for four hours?  Not me…

For the warmth

in your voice

full of fun

tinged with love

makes me thrive.

Oh, what a FRIEND!

Perhaps it’s the lack

of well-planned hours.

Ah–hours all my own!

To do as I please:

think, write or draw,

or spend talking long

on the phone.

Maybe ’cause emotion

runs higher after twelve.

Logical thoughts

take back seat

baring your true self.

Whatever it is–I like it!

However it comes, let it stay!

For night holds much more magic

than any, ever,

day.

I can rattle on

about trivial things

as well as major trials

–all momentous at the time.

Or, share my latest triumph,

my darkest fears, and recent ‘boofs’,

my hopes and dreams,

my sorrow, my joy.

And you, listening,

quietly loving me,

let me know you’re on my side

no matter what–

speaking peace to my mind

with never a word.

You give me strength to face my challenges

chin up, head high.

Hmmm, I was wrong.

When we talk

–really talk–

I listen.

So do I.

I choose

to believe

in miracles.

I wrote this years ago, while serving as a missionary at the LDS Temple Visitors Center outside of Washington D.C.  Periodically, there were wonderful musical performances held at the Visitors Center, and the invited artists were amazing!  But, usually, I saw them beforehand, looking like anyone who had just come in off of the street–setting up their equipment, getting ready.  Later, at the performance, it was if they were unveiled–and that woman I’d seen earlier in baggy pants and birkenstocks with socks became the most divine creature!  And it happened EVERY TIME–as they used their gifts.  I tried to put what I felt into words:

Simple they seem at first glance

just like ordinary human beings:

in casual clothes

with casual hair

even lacking that ‘I’m Important’ air

–just normal,

even at second glance.

But OH! I’m amazed

when their gifts they share–

all those glorious songs in their souls!

With the change in their stance

and the glow in their eyes

something within me begins to rise

and glorify God.

No more are they simple,

never again, in my eyes.

I no longer see just

their earthly disguise.

Like a ‘brown paper package

tied up with strings’

I can’t wait to discover

what the opening brings!

And now every time

a new person I meet,

I no longer just see what they show.

For inside each ‘brown package’

lies at least one great gift

that will turn my heart heavenward

to the giver, I know.

Safe and warm inside

nestled among pillows and cozy quilts am I:

a storm silently raging in my soul.

I look out the window

enviably

as thunder cracks

and lightening

sizzles

across the sky.

Oh, that I could have the whole outdoors

to manifest my storm!

I’d thunder my frustrations

and slice the sky with rage!

Then, heavily

I’d let my sorrow fall.

Afterwards:

peace

as follows every storm

would fill my soul.

I’ve seen the self-protecting walls you erect

The mastered wit you use to hide the pain

I’ve seen the masks slip into place and felt you draw away

To hide within yourself once again

Somehow I know it’s always been so

You learned from early on to hide your tears

Though at times you died inside, the world never knew

For silent are the screams that no one hears

I, because I love you, have seen what no one sees

Or, you, with love for me, have shown your soul (I don’t know)

But helpless I’ll forever be against these walls and masks you’ve made

Only you can take away these barriers you’ve laid

Yes, it could be painful–there are no guarantees

A soul laid bare can easily be speared

But only those who fully trust can ever truly love

And only true love fully conquers fear

I wish that I could tell you “I’ll catch you if you fall”

But, around when walls come down, I may not be (yoda)

One thing I can tell you, though, God is always there

Always has been.  Always will be.  Please trust me.

STEP INTO THE DARKNESS

I can’t—I’m afraid

OF WHAT?

Of the unknown

I’TS NOT UNKNOWN TO ME

Still, I’m afraid

YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO GROW—YOU ASKED ME HOW

I didn’t know I’d have to leave the light

ALWAYS

But I’m afraid

THEN STAY IN THE LIGHT

You’re right—but I’m still afraid

THINK BACK TO THE LAST TIME YOU STOOD AT THE EDGE OF THE LIGHT—

HOW DID YOU FEEL?

Fearful

BUT YOU STEPPED INTO THE DARK, NONE-THE-LESS

Yes—and after the first step, it was light

SO WHY ARE YOU AFRAID?

Because, what if it isn’t?

I PROMISE IT WILL BE

Then why the initial darkness?

YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO GROW

So…the growth is in the darkness?

YOU TELL ME

It wasn’t around long enough for me to learn anything in it or from it

ARE YOU SURE?

Well…I learned to overcome fear

IS THAT ALL?

…I guess I learned to trust you

STEP INTO THE DARKNESS

You mean ‘step into the light’

YOU’RE GROWING!

But I remember running to you

I still can feel you swing me up in the air

See your joy—it mirrored my own

For a moment we hadn’t a care

I’ll forever be a daddy’s girl

Yes, I’m a Daddy’s girl

Yes, I remember running to you

I still can feel you swing me up in the air

See your joy, it mirrored my own

I felt your love—‘twas always there

I’ll forever be a daddy’s girl

Yes, I’m a daddy’s girl.

I can see me running to you

And feel you swinging me up in the air

See your joy—it’ll mirror my own

With peace, and beauty beyond compare….

I can see me running to Him

And feel Jesus lifting me up in the air

Heavenly Father’s joy will mirror my own

Then for eternity I’ll live with them there

I’ll forever be a Daddy’s girl

(Because of you, dad) I’m my Daddy’s Girl

I’m banging my head on your door

And I’m stomping my feet on your floor

As my patience runs thin

I yell PLEASE LET ME COME IN

I’m sorry for all I’ve done before

And I’m here banging my head on your door

I’m banging my head on your door

’cause I just can’t use my hands anymore

As my patience runs thin

I yell, PLEASE LET ME COME IN

I’m sorry for all I’ve done before

I’m out here banging my head on your door

Chorus

When it feels like it’s coming around

And you feel that you’re running aground

Don’t go silently without a sound

Don’t go there again

My sister, I’m here

If you reach out your hand

My sister, I’m here

Feel this rock where I stand

My sister, I’m here

Out of that ’sinking sand’

I’ll help you win

My sister, I’m here

And, I will be here

My sister, my friend

Chorus

Chorus

You’re a good man, Charlie Brown

Don’t worry, it’s our secret

I’ll never let it get around

I’m just guessing, but I think that anyone with two eyes

is gonna see–YOU make me happy

Charlie Brown, you make me happy

Chorus

Chorus

I want to be giddy in love with starry eyes and a stupid grin

Giddy in love, my face light up when he walks in

So giddy in love people can’t help smiling at me

So giddy in love they shake their heads remembering

just what it’s like to be giddy in love

Chorus (and repeat)

Opened up my window, it was cloudy

Not a single sunbeam shining down

Raindrops hitting hard against the window and every where

Making mud and splattering the ground

Gray is gorgeous

Thunder ripples

Water trickles down my face

How I love a sunny morning

But I wouldn’t trade the frenzy

or the cleansing of the rain

Funny how life alternates the weather

Never know just what the day will bring

Gotta have the pain and joy together–whatever you say

about this gloomy day, I’m gonna sing

Chorus

Years gone by, I finally see it

I can’t believe it

you and I had some stormy weather

we came together

used to cry and wonder why

when the sun would hide away

beneath the clouds

but this stormy weather

has made us better

Chorus

I’m here to tell you ’bout our family:  How Lily Mae Helquist became Lily Rowley

It started back when mom was only four
Bernice was driving and mom fell out the door
She landed topside, sitting right in the street
Dad stopped his car and helped her back in her seat

It was so nice, he didn’t even think twice

A few years later, mom was pushing sixteen
Saw dad’s car parked at the pool; and he left in his keys
She grabbed her girlfriend and they went for a ride
Mom told that girlfriend “someday I’ll be his bride”

It was so true, just don’t know how she knew

When mom was twenty, doing school in Salt Lake
Dad still a bachelor, and he called for a date
The rest is history–suffice it to say
They got together–43 years last May

It was love, and lots of help from above



Hey it’s your big sis–I know you’re now a man

but a trip to prison seems so far from the plan

Please explain it so I can understand

and do more than cry—why?

I just don’t get it; I can’t explain the fall

You seemed so happy, not just when you were small

What was missing that you would risk it all

to go and get high—why?

Were you trying to fit in?

Were you trying to have fun?

Were you looking for excitement?

–Did you think that we had none?

When you wanted to be happy—

all those mornings after—strange.

No matter how you’d try

It all was just a lie—why?

We all have problems, you know, we all fall down

We walk in darkness, stumbling around

Do you remember?  –That’s why the Lord came down

Will you live your whole life

Give in, give up, no fight

Like a river gone so dry?  Why?

Are you trying to fit in?

Are you trying to have fun?

Have you ever tried the Lord’s way?

Remember, you’re His son

When you say that you’re unhappy

Have you made a plan to change?

Will you live your whole life high?

Waste and watch the years go by?

Why?